Sunday September 24: Turtles

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 Sunday used to my favourite day when I was little.

Usually it still is. I like the feel of the day... an indulgent breakfast, the FT, the NYT, coffee, the sense that its ok not to do that much.

But recently, I've had two Sundays where I felt anxious.  Not about anything specific just generally.

I went to the park with the boys and didn't help.  I worked on a power point, it made it worse. I hit the treadmill, menh.

I made these muffins.  And then, walking I saw R, sitting on the front steps, helping Seth make origami sea turtles, and it was a good good moment.

Saturday September23: Sunglasses

Eight years ago, when R and I were first in Paris together, I bought a pair of D&G sunglasses.

I loved these sunglasses and wore them all the time, everywhere.

Here.

These were the perfect sunglasses, the kind that make you feel glamourous and together even when you haven't washed your hair in two days, are wearing tatty yoga clothes and dropping groceries as you lug two kids around.

They had that kind of power.

And then this summer, on our vacation in BC, we took a friends Beaver plane to his lake tucked away in the mountains.  And went for a swim.  And yes, I was advised that I should take off my sunglasses but laughed and said they were part of my look.  So of course, shortly after, I leaned my head back and down they went, to the bottom of a lake that is actually much deeper than it seems.

So I bought a new pair.

But I wasn't sure how I felt about them.

Until yesterday, when R& I went out to dinner and a house party, (all of which happened to be  in part of town that reminded me of being an undergrad at UBC) and just as we were racing back to the babysitter,  I realised that the sunglasses that I thought were in my purse were gone....

But despite R skepticism, when we went back to the dive we'd had some pre-party drinks at, they were there.  So I think's its a good sign...

Thursday September 29: Addictive

aA                                                                               

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Friday September 23: First & Last Day

Yesterday was the last day of summer.

So today is the first Friday of Fall.  Even though I work from home three days a week and have the kind of work (writing, consulting and starting a business) that is always with me, regardless of days of the week or time of month (the challenge of the new career model) -

I still always feel like Friday calls for some kind of celebration.  Drinks, steak, treats are in order.

Someone I dated way back once told me I wasn't very good at celebrating the big moments or occasions in my life (I'm a bride that hated my wedding even though it was objectively stunning, skipped both my undergrad and law school graduations and view most birthdays as a time for critical self assessment: where is my life going and what am I doing) - all of which say, years later, hey, I think "short story man" might have been right.

But I think I am good at celebrating the small moments: Fridays, when the kids go to sleep (a bubble bath), a new book to read and anything to do with my kids achievements or things that make them happy (for a while this translated into candles in everything from noodles to pancakes, because hey, why not)

And so this Friday I am:

• Making a bbqed steak salad, but am adding grilled anise, peppers and baby spinach that I am looking forward to eating on the deck with R and a bottle of red; 
• Looking forward to hot yoga on Saturday and 
• Hoping for a big family walk. 

Thursday September 22: Less Sleep, More Zen?

For the past two months, or maybe more, I have trying to make myself get up at 5:30 am.

The extra oh, two hours a day of child free work time, would have a huge impact on what I can get done, and when. Plus, an early start apparently means a more productive rest of your day.

But so far, I haven't managed more than two days in a row at all.

What's strange is that in the past, I used to do this.  For writing my first book, to make sure I went to hot yoga before work so what's wrong now??

Anyway, I just discovered this site, so maybe I'll try some of the tips....

Today I:

• Loved my jivamukti class, live music, chanting, I think its the best part of my week. I also discovered a 6:30 am class not far from the house, can I do it?
• Was oddly excited by the spur of the moment $65.00 H&M outfit I bought this afternoon and wore to curriculum night at the school today (see below for the picture); 
• Enjoyed some post yoga birchermusli from Movinpick - I love this stuff. 

I was devastated to read this story about the death of this poor little boy.  Sometimes it seems like every cliche about the cruelty of the world, the potential heartbreak of being a parent or just being here on earth seems so true its overwhelming. And calls into question, why we do most of what we do in the wake of it all, if that makes any sense. 

Ps. just as I typed that sentence my 5 y/o (who isn't yet asleep) came to give me a hug. Which somehow makes it all more emotional.  

Monday September 19th: Cosy

The house feels cosy tonight.  R downstairs writing, both boys sleeping and me in bed.

It's also just my kinda night.

Cool autumn air, rain, for me it feels like promise, opportunity and that good things will (knock on wood) hopefully happen.   It must be left over from years of back to school resolutions and plans.

When I first started this blog, it felt like a chore.  But now, I'm getting into it.  I actually got up, went upstairs to my study to get my laptop and here I am.

Another book launch today, a memoir by a man I adore and admire: The Honourable Roy McLaren, a man who's done everything from being a sailor, diplomat, an uber successful businessman, a writer (this is his 7th book) , politician and cabinet minister.  And who's been married for 52 years to a woman with story as interesting as his and style that is pure 1920's Paris chic that looks incredible anywhere, anytime.

These kinds of parties always make me wonder, will this be us 40 or 50 years from now?  Can we also be that lucky to still so engaged, producing and working, travelling, and still look so good? Usually my worries are focused on where I will be at 40 - a dangerous age for women I've decided.  But occasionally I think further.

Today I am:

• Worried about eating/drinking too much sugar (white wine again!); 
• Reminding myself not be afraid to just move forward versus seeking refuge in the process or planning; 
• Determined to focus on positive energy on my goals. 
• Had a moment of being overwhelmed by a crushing love for my boys. 

Sunday September 18th: A Bouncy Castle Comes Our Way

R is back and has taken the boys out for a walk and some post trip treats.

I'm mentally trying to get some perspective on parenting.  On the rational side, I know I'm obsessing about something small (a couple of remarks from Seth about kids on the SK playground), like everyone else, each day I read, see or hear about the horrors that so many kids are enduring and know, that this is on the small, small side.

Emotionally, I can't wait to talk to his teacher and see what's going on.

This then, is the insanity of being a mother and yet I know its a luxury to be even be able to angst about these things at all. Only possible because we have a place to live, food to eat, the expectation that our children will not only be secure, and safe but also have some sort of inalienable right to round the clock happiness, at least as long as we think we can control it.

Deep breath.

Today, on the worlds friendliest street as my hood will now we known - we are having a street party, complete with a bouncy castle.  Yes, a bouncy castle on a little street in the heart of downtown Toronto, literally off one of the busiest intersections in the city. And lots of food, and always lots of wine.

R and I are also attending the launch of this book on the international world of art theft by a friend and former colleague.

I'm excited for the party, even though I actually hate going out on a Sunday night, it feels wrong.  Sunday nights, in my mind should be spent organizing for the week ahead.  A legacy of my childhood I think.

Today I am:

• Hoping to work out soon; 
• Planning on wearing my BCBG thin turtleneck dress (always a date favourite);
• Asking for help in being able to successfully guide my kids into being happy, confident and secure people; 
• Loving the warm fall sun and breeze and 
• Wondering why even though I feel like I am constantly buying groceries, we have nothing good to eat in the house.  That and how, if its getting cold out, the mosquitoes seem like they're getting bigger.