Tuesday October 2nd

Early this morning, sleeping with S next to me the thought floated into my head that the older I get the more I understand that I really just want my family to happy, healthy and safe.

And then I realized, I was actually asking for it all.

September 25: Quotes

After the worries of the past weekend, these words have new meaning for me.

"The secret of a full life is to live and relate to others as if they might not be there tomorrow, and as if you might not be."

Thank you to Brain Pickings  for bringing this quote to my attention.

Timely and true.

A rainbow on Yonge Street During A Weekend Walk With Mom & Devan

Friday November 19: Tea For Three

I'm really a coffee (well Redbull) person but last Thursday I took my Mom and one of her oldest and closest friend (the first she made when she moved to Canada) to tea at the Windsor Arms.  It was a bit of an early birthday celebration since they also share the same birthday (November 29th).

There was a fireplace, scones, mini sandwiches, very puffy couches and petit fours (there was also some oddly menacing music playing), but only for the last half hour.  It was nice and made me wish that Mad Men could successfully and fully bring back gloves and hats for everyone.

My mother is 58 this month.  I'm 35.

I think about at this often, not our ages (well that's not true since I constantly think about mine - a whole separate post).  But what I marvel at is that she had me at 23, exactly a year after having an arranged marriage (a topic I often write about) and moving to Canada. In January.

The age of motherhood debate is hot topic.  What's too old, too young, and the eternal question of: is there a perfect time?  I've considered this topic from a professional angle at the MomShift and my own anxieties at becoming a mother at the in-between age of 29 is what prompted my second book.  I'll also freely admit that as tough as it probably was for her at 23, I selfishly like having a mother that is still on the young side.

The average age of mothers is going up - this is not new and I anecdotally know 5 women who are having their first babies and are over 40.   I personally think the entire "debate" on the age of motherhood is pointless, each person's life is different, there is no "right" way to do things (though reading some mommy blogs would have you think otherwise) and in the end, its all just about a series of different choices.

And as awe struck as I am at my Mother's story, I know its not unique. I know lots of friends with mothers who had them at 21, 22 or 23 and sort of fit them into everything else that was happening from immigrating to new countries, returning to school or starting businesses.

But in an age when everything to do parenthood and motherhood seems so overwhelming, when every little decision is completely overanalyzed (I'm not saying I don't do it but I realize how privileged and naval gazing it is) - I constantly wonder what she and her friends, (all women who cheerfully coped and got with having families as just something you did, along with everything else),  really think of all our earnest (and probably futile) efforts.

My guess?  Is that they're having a justified laugh, behind our backs.  /rs

Thursday October 27: Hungry

This is week three of my attempt at the one day fast. 

Although strictly speaking, what I'm doing is probably not considered fasting. 

I'm not eating food but I am drinking smoothies and fresh juices like these. 

And of course I'm still having coffee, and yes a Red Bull and you know what - its still so hard. 

Every time I've done it, I end up like this, anxiously waiting until 12 when I can finally eat something. 

And daydreaming about what it will be - a bowl of Just Right with Golden Grahams? A grilled cheese sand-which? A couple of pancakes? 

So why am I doing it?  Partly, because giving your body a break from food for a at least 24 hours seems like a good thing, but also, for a selfish reason.  Anthony Robbins talks about how people need to start from a place of abundance - this can be hard to do when you're surrounded by the more you feel you need to get or earn.  One day of denying yourself some food and you realize just how abundant you really are. 

20 more minutes to go....

Wednesday October 6th: Gaps

Yesterday my little Seth lost his first tooth.  We don't actually know where it went (and I prefer not to think about it) but when he walked past me in morning mania, I noticed it was gone. 

Honestly, I never used to be an emotional person, but I felt like crying.  And then yesterday evening, when I was putting him to sleep, I was sitting (well laying really) next to him, and I read this, and then I did cry. 

I promise soon, this blog will get less sappy, and more happy. 

In the meantime, here's what really hit me from it:

Please live. I don't mind if you dye your hair kool-aid blue. I don't mind if everything you believe turns out to be different from what I believe. I don't care who you love or how you love, as long as find some and give some. I don't mind what you're into, as long as you're safe. I just want to support you. I want to witness you. I want to see the things that make you smile. I want you to have the chance to be. To be happy.


Please live.

This quote is from a speech by Kate Inglis from her speech at A Walk To Remember - which draws attention to losing a child.

The website is both heartbreaking, thought provoking and also somehow inspiring.

Thursday September 8

I have seven minutes.  Bed time is (as always) running late, there are lists of work that I haven't yet done  and the kitchen is still messy. But the kitchen always seems messy.  Plus there's back to school forms to sign and dates to jot down, so I don't forget where I'm going, when or which babysitter is coming or where in the world R will be that week.

But at the back of my mind today, I've been thinking about family.

Not just my family (my kids and husband) or my parents and brother, but extended family, the families who come with the person you marry and the friends that come with family.

My extended family is large but distance, geography, and personal histories and patterns that were laid down when we were kids means that they are not always that close.  Something my Mother always regretted when we were younger.  We didn't care, we didn't know anything else and liked being a self contained unit.

I wish I could really say I was doing it differently but I'm not sure I am.  But it did make me think, that for all the ups and downs I had when I was younger with my family (and really who doesn't?) I am grateful for the grown up relationships I have with them.  But I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish I had more of them....

Today:

• My honeylicious was stung by wasp and is still getting used to his daycare - but was so so happy when he came home, singing and dancing. His sunny little personality has to come from R..