January 24th: R's Birthday

In which we had two nights (two!) without any of the kids.  And so we impersonated the lives of "hipsters in the city" or at least what we think those without kids might do....

This involved: a movie, evening drinks, browsing Indigo, early morning yoga, brunch and the paper, a walk to Kensington Market, amazing tacos, browsing Holts, Starbucks, an attempt to see a play, replaced by impromptu massages and take out Korean.

Actually, just writing out that list makes me think that really only parents of three would cram so much activity into a 36 hour period.

F

September 30: Weekend

Specifics and details (the who's, when's and where's) vary but there are a few common elements to most of our weekends.

They include: red wine and some cooking.

Roasted beet, roasted squash with spinach salad

The ROM, the park, and lots of newspapers.

The boys at the ROM & the 3D Dino puzzle we struggled with

Often baked goods come into play and then when icing ends up everywhere and no one eats anything else I make the usual vow that this is the last time I'm doing this.

For the record, its actually no one's birthday - but we just like candles, because fire and sugar together are where its at.

October 22: The Weekend

Over the weekend we had my 10 year nephew and 8 year niece sleep over.

The goal was to carve pumpkins, 4 were bought, one was carved.

Tacos were eaten along with my favourite retro desert - "mud" (Oreos, pudding and whipped cream) with candy body parts for season effect.  I couldn't find the usual gummy worms so I used "body part sushi" which tasted horrible (big surprise) but looked cool.

Then the TV and ipad both stopped working (I know what are the odds?) which made everything that much more exhausting, at least for me and R. 

Saturday September23: Sunglasses

Eight years ago, when R and I were first in Paris together, I bought a pair of D&G sunglasses.

I loved these sunglasses and wore them all the time, everywhere.

Here.

These were the perfect sunglasses, the kind that make you feel glamourous and together even when you haven't washed your hair in two days, are wearing tatty yoga clothes and dropping groceries as you lug two kids around.

They had that kind of power.

And then this summer, on our vacation in BC, we took a friends Beaver plane to his lake tucked away in the mountains.  And went for a swim.  And yes, I was advised that I should take off my sunglasses but laughed and said they were part of my look.  So of course, shortly after, I leaned my head back and down they went, to the bottom of a lake that is actually much deeper than it seems.

So I bought a new pair.

But I wasn't sure how I felt about them.

Until yesterday, when R& I went out to dinner and a house party, (all of which happened to be  in part of town that reminded me of being an undergrad at UBC) and just as we were racing back to the babysitter,  I realised that the sunglasses that I thought were in my purse were gone....

But despite R skepticism, when we went back to the dive we'd had some pre-party drinks at, they were there.  So I think's its a good sign...

Friday September 23: First & Last Day

Yesterday was the last day of summer.

So today is the first Friday of Fall.  Even though I work from home three days a week and have the kind of work (writing, consulting and starting a business) that is always with me, regardless of days of the week or time of month (the challenge of the new career model) -

I still always feel like Friday calls for some kind of celebration.  Drinks, steak, treats are in order.

Someone I dated way back once told me I wasn't very good at celebrating the big moments or occasions in my life (I'm a bride that hated my wedding even though it was objectively stunning, skipped both my undergrad and law school graduations and view most birthdays as a time for critical self assessment: where is my life going and what am I doing) - all of which say, years later, hey, I think "short story man" might have been right.

But I think I am good at celebrating the small moments: Fridays, when the kids go to sleep (a bubble bath), a new book to read and anything to do with my kids achievements or things that make them happy (for a while this translated into candles in everything from noodles to pancakes, because hey, why not)

And so this Friday I am:

• Making a bbqed steak salad, but am adding grilled anise, peppers and baby spinach that I am looking forward to eating on the deck with R and a bottle of red; 
• Looking forward to hot yoga on Saturday and 
• Hoping for a big family walk. 

Sunday September 18th: A Bouncy Castle Comes Our Way

R is back and has taken the boys out for a walk and some post trip treats.

I'm mentally trying to get some perspective on parenting.  On the rational side, I know I'm obsessing about something small (a couple of remarks from Seth about kids on the SK playground), like everyone else, each day I read, see or hear about the horrors that so many kids are enduring and know, that this is on the small, small side.

Emotionally, I can't wait to talk to his teacher and see what's going on.

This then, is the insanity of being a mother and yet I know its a luxury to be even be able to angst about these things at all. Only possible because we have a place to live, food to eat, the expectation that our children will not only be secure, and safe but also have some sort of inalienable right to round the clock happiness, at least as long as we think we can control it.

Deep breath.

Today, on the worlds friendliest street as my hood will now we known - we are having a street party, complete with a bouncy castle.  Yes, a bouncy castle on a little street in the heart of downtown Toronto, literally off one of the busiest intersections in the city. And lots of food, and always lots of wine.

R and I are also attending the launch of this book on the international world of art theft by a friend and former colleague.

I'm excited for the party, even though I actually hate going out on a Sunday night, it feels wrong.  Sunday nights, in my mind should be spent organizing for the week ahead.  A legacy of my childhood I think.

Today I am:

• Hoping to work out soon; 
• Planning on wearing my BCBG thin turtleneck dress (always a date favourite);
• Asking for help in being able to successfully guide my kids into being happy, confident and secure people; 
• Loving the warm fall sun and breeze and 
• Wondering why even though I feel like I am constantly buying groceries, we have nothing good to eat in the house.  That and how, if its getting cold out, the mosquitoes seem like they're getting bigger. 

Sunday September 11: Remembering

Ten years on, and the horror of those images still hasn't dimmed for me.  I also admit that despite my best liberal intentions and the fact that both my brother and husband get stopped for extra security due to racial profiling, feel nervous when I see certain sorts of men boarding my flights.  I don't want to, and I know its wrong, but I still do.

Today has also, tragically become one of those seminal life moments, where everyone can remember where they were when they heard the news, the last time they were in NYC before it happened and what they did after.

Me?

I had just started my articling year at FMC, we were on the 54th floor of a building on Bay street in Toronto learning how to to bill our hours into the firm financial system. I was struggling to pay attention and understand it.   When they news came, I remember us getting a break and milling around, on the ground floor of the building where all the TV were.  Usually these screens had the tickers going for the TSX, that morning, hushed groups of confused people stood around, watching and waiting.

Eventually, as planes began to be diverted all over and the Pentagon was hit, we were all sent home.  And I remember taking a streetcar up to my new apartment on the Danforth, looking out at the city and feeling aimless and lost.  And then calling my Mom who always my touchstone when I reached home, for reassurance.

I don't remember anything else about what I did that day.

A piece that R wrote about his experiences that day - written pre-Reva.

Saturday September 10: Accountability

Its a weekend and its beautiful out, although still hotter than I like it.  My weather is when its cool, crisp, "sweater weather" as girls at my old high-school used to always say in their year books.

Everyone was exhausted from a week of new schools, daycares and routines - which meant R& I actually got to sleep in till 9:30 and its been a lazy day so far.  Papers on the deck, Starbucks, a plan to go to the museum that I hope to realize on.

But even with the weekend what's going on is that I've been thinking about accountability, not in the public or political sense of the word.  But personally. Where I've realized that I think I need to better hold myself accountable for what I need to do and deliver on.  Right now, I'm feeling like the year has raced by and I'm not sure what I've done with it.

Do you ever have that?

I've decided that I need to get more specific about what needs to be done by when and actually deliver it by then - always the challenge when you're working for yourself.

But a Must.

Favorite moment today: A singing his "daddy daddy" song.