June 19th: Mr. Biddles Is 10 Months

May 30th: Birthdays

May is a month of birthdays for us.  And of course I never take pictures of anything.  Seth kicked it off with cake pops for breakfast, steak for dinner and 12 friends at a trampoline place.  Lots of Lego was the theme of the day.

Then me. I was sick and writing my book - but we still got a night out together - a nap, a movie and a quiet house was how I rocked in my 37th year.

Then it was Avery - who seemed neutral on the birthday front.  But we had a Kung Fu cake (which actually looked cool but I didn't take a picture) and had lurid and vaguely frightening bright icing. There were balloons and the nice thing about our street is that's its an instant party.

In between that, lots of other kids parties as well - Fort York, making pizza and so on.

Pizza party

Seth's dream realized: Jabbas Palace. Later destroyed. R crushed as hours of work -gone.

Cake on street

May 27:

Just over 9 months.

Monday February 11th:

Mondays mornings always feel like a struggle and a slow start.  So much didn't get done over the weekend.  So much to do during the week.

So before anything even starts, a bit of Biddles to kick it off:

Friday February 8th:

Captured - life according to Seth at this time:

December 25th: Christmas

Christmas was: Sarnia, non stop pj's, R doing complicated lego. Snow. 

Lots of presents but no tree at Nonny's 

Avery Shovelling 

The boys try bowling 

Monday October 29th

I'm exactly 10 days behind with a picture of Devan at 2 months but I didn't do anything like this with the other two (yeah for blogs which are so much easier than albums or scrapbooks).  So really, in some way I'm ahead I think.

Devan 2 months 

Avery has renamed Dev Dev (the happy mouse) - Biddle.  I think it might be a variant of little but its sticking so far.

Tuesday October 23

Whoever it was that said you are only as happy as your unhappiest child was very much on to something.

The heartbreak you can't control is the challenge of parenting - and I hate it.

I try and place it in a global context of how lucky our children are, that they have so much in a loving family, a safe country, food, shelter - so many things that too many others don't have.

But nothing can change the primal desire to fix everything for them and to hope and pray that they are ok and happy.

One Month Later

In things that got missed, Devan Sarkar joined our family a month ago today.

He was almost three weeks early (which threw all my book deadlines and organizing plans into disarray) but we had one delicious week of just three of together (the other two went to "Nonny Camp") for the week.

 Even though it was my third baby it was the first time I had been able to just be alone with new born and do things with and for him with R.  And it was wonderful.

Devan - 1 week 

I also can't believe its been a month already.

Dev Dev - 1 Month

Catching Up: A Year and Some Months Later

I'm no longer 35 and I suppose my birthday experiment was a fail since I stopped blogging.

Except that I thought alot about the blog. Primarily I thought about all the pictures that were just on my iphone or R's blackberry that might get lost.  And I thought about how we have no family albums.  And I thought about how I am doing nothing to capture our family life and yet someday I know I will regret it.

And I realized I wanted to come to this space.  Not to build an audience or to generate ad revenue which I removed but for me, since without the public aspect, I go back to old problem about journaling about my own issues or to dos.

I also realized that I felt pressured to take on some kind "voice" for the blog that wasn't actually me and it sort of constrained me.

But how do you catch up on a year that included: a family cruise to Belize, taking the boys to India, a birthday party with 24 animals, selling my book, having another baby, plus the usual camp, school, and day to day craziness.

 Randomly I guess.

Friday November 19: Tea For Three

I'm really a coffee (well Redbull) person but last Thursday I took my Mom and one of her oldest and closest friend (the first she made when she moved to Canada) to tea at the Windsor Arms.  It was a bit of an early birthday celebration since they also share the same birthday (November 29th).

There was a fireplace, scones, mini sandwiches, very puffy couches and petit fours (there was also some oddly menacing music playing), but only for the last half hour.  It was nice and made me wish that Mad Men could successfully and fully bring back gloves and hats for everyone.

My mother is 58 this month.  I'm 35.

I think about at this often, not our ages (well that's not true since I constantly think about mine - a whole separate post).  But what I marvel at is that she had me at 23, exactly a year after having an arranged marriage (a topic I often write about) and moving to Canada. In January.

The age of motherhood debate is hot topic.  What's too old, too young, and the eternal question of: is there a perfect time?  I've considered this topic from a professional angle at the MomShift and my own anxieties at becoming a mother at the in-between age of 29 is what prompted my second book.  I'll also freely admit that as tough as it probably was for her at 23, I selfishly like having a mother that is still on the young side.

The average age of mothers is going up - this is not new and I anecdotally know 5 women who are having their first babies and are over 40.   I personally think the entire "debate" on the age of motherhood is pointless, each person's life is different, there is no "right" way to do things (though reading some mommy blogs would have you think otherwise) and in the end, its all just about a series of different choices.

And as awe struck as I am at my Mother's story, I know its not unique. I know lots of friends with mothers who had them at 21, 22 or 23 and sort of fit them into everything else that was happening from immigrating to new countries, returning to school or starting businesses.

But in an age when everything to do parenthood and motherhood seems so overwhelming, when every little decision is completely overanalyzed (I'm not saying I don't do it but I realize how privileged and naval gazing it is) - I constantly wonder what she and her friends, (all women who cheerfully coped and got with having families as just something you did, along with everything else),  really think of all our earnest (and probably futile) efforts.

My guess?  Is that they're having a justified laugh, behind our backs.  /rs

Thursday September 8

I have seven minutes.  Bed time is (as always) running late, there are lists of work that I haven't yet done  and the kitchen is still messy. But the kitchen always seems messy.  Plus there's back to school forms to sign and dates to jot down, so I don't forget where I'm going, when or which babysitter is coming or where in the world R will be that week.

But at the back of my mind today, I've been thinking about family.

Not just my family (my kids and husband) or my parents and brother, but extended family, the families who come with the person you marry and the friends that come with family.

My extended family is large but distance, geography, and personal histories and patterns that were laid down when we were kids means that they are not always that close.  Something my Mother always regretted when we were younger.  We didn't care, we didn't know anything else and liked being a self contained unit.

I wish I could really say I was doing it differently but I'm not sure I am.  But it did make me think, that for all the ups and downs I had when I was younger with my family (and really who doesn't?) I am grateful for the grown up relationships I have with them.  But I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish I had more of them....

Today:

• My honeylicious was stung by wasp and is still getting used to his daycare - but was so so happy when he came home, singing and dancing. His sunny little personality has to come from R..