Monday September 12th: I want it all

Right now the streets of our neighbourhood are filled with TIFF people, star sightings, those hoping to look like stars and everything else that comes with the film festival.

In the midst of the self-conscious styling and posturing, throngs of people with phones and camera in hand, Seth, oblivious to it all spreads his new eagle wings.

Which I have to say is pretty awesome.

Sunday September 11: Remembering

Ten years on, and the horror of those images still hasn't dimmed for me.  I also admit that despite my best liberal intentions and the fact that both my brother and husband get stopped for extra security due to racial profiling, feel nervous when I see certain sorts of men boarding my flights.  I don't want to, and I know its wrong, but I still do.

Today has also, tragically become one of those seminal life moments, where everyone can remember where they were when they heard the news, the last time they were in NYC before it happened and what they did after.

Me?

I had just started my articling year at FMC, we were on the 54th floor of a building on Bay street in Toronto learning how to to bill our hours into the firm financial system. I was struggling to pay attention and understand it.   When they news came, I remember us getting a break and milling around, on the ground floor of the building where all the TV were.  Usually these screens had the tickers going for the TSX, that morning, hushed groups of confused people stood around, watching and waiting.

Eventually, as planes began to be diverted all over and the Pentagon was hit, we were all sent home.  And I remember taking a streetcar up to my new apartment on the Danforth, looking out at the city and feeling aimless and lost.  And then calling my Mom who always my touchstone when I reached home, for reassurance.

I don't remember anything else about what I did that day.

A piece that R wrote about his experiences that day - written pre-Reva.

Saturday September 10: Accountability

Its a weekend and its beautiful out, although still hotter than I like it.  My weather is when its cool, crisp, "sweater weather" as girls at my old high-school used to always say in their year books.

Everyone was exhausted from a week of new schools, daycares and routines - which meant R& I actually got to sleep in till 9:30 and its been a lazy day so far.  Papers on the deck, Starbucks, a plan to go to the museum that I hope to realize on.

But even with the weekend what's going on is that I've been thinking about accountability, not in the public or political sense of the word.  But personally. Where I've realized that I think I need to better hold myself accountable for what I need to do and deliver on.  Right now, I'm feeling like the year has raced by and I'm not sure what I've done with it.

Do you ever have that?

I've decided that I need to get more specific about what needs to be done by when and actually deliver it by then - always the challenge when you're working for yourself.

But a Must.

Favorite moment today: A singing his "daddy daddy" song.

Thursday September 8

I have seven minutes.  Bed time is (as always) running late, there are lists of work that I haven't yet done  and the kitchen is still messy. But the kitchen always seems messy.  Plus there's back to school forms to sign and dates to jot down, so I don't forget where I'm going, when or which babysitter is coming or where in the world R will be that week.

But at the back of my mind today, I've been thinking about family.

Not just my family (my kids and husband) or my parents and brother, but extended family, the families who come with the person you marry and the friends that come with family.

My extended family is large but distance, geography, and personal histories and patterns that were laid down when we were kids means that they are not always that close.  Something my Mother always regretted when we were younger.  We didn't care, we didn't know anything else and liked being a self contained unit.

I wish I could really say I was doing it differently but I'm not sure I am.  But it did make me think, that for all the ups and downs I had when I was younger with my family (and really who doesn't?) I am grateful for the grown up relationships I have with them.  But I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish I had more of them....

Today:

• My honeylicious was stung by wasp and is still getting used to his daycare - but was so so happy when he came home, singing and dancing. His sunny little personality has to come from R..

Summer Love vs. September To Do's...

Can you work with your Mom around?  I can't.  And it's for the nicest possible reason, when my little Mom comes to visit or vice versa, its like an emotional and mental blanket.  Everything seems like it will be ok, and some of the general stress about what I need to be doing, should be doing or should have already done, slightly dims. That conversation in your or at least my head.

But only dims slightly, but then I become caught in this very ineffective cycle where I want to be just sitting and chatting or shopping and walking or laughing with the kids, but I also feel like I should be working and Getting Stuff Done.  Because otherwise, where is my life going and who am I? So I have computer open or lug notebooks of projects with me and leave them unpacked and ignored.

I thought of all of this over the weekend, since my wonderful little Mom has come down to help Seth and Avery move to their new schools (and really help me manage it all).

We went to the park, made muffins, made brownies, organized closets and rejoiced in my 2 year olds adorable chatter.  And talked, and laughed and chatted.  And at the back of my mind I thought of the ebook that needs to be finished, the sponsorship that I need to sort out and the list goes on and on.

I also watched this TED talk on the power of being cheerful as we journey towards our goals versus delaying our happiness for when those goals are achieved and read this article on the habits of ineffective people and resolved that I will get it all done, calmly and cheerfully but while she is here I will be enjoying what you see below.

Summer Recap....

Argh, repeat, I will not berate myself for not posting, I will not berate myself for not posting.  Instead, I will in the spirit of all things back to school commit to regular postings, (I will I will!) - um, every other day?

In the meantime, I will try and remember some of our summer highlights, is it a cliche to say that cliche's seem increasingly true as you get older (I'm thinking of how they say time goes faster as you get older and this entire year is disappearing for me) which has me stressed, but instead will think about:

• Deck time, campari and soda, bread salad (much better than it sounds, all grilled veggies, basil and goat cheese); 
• Mastering my first bbq! Grilled pineapple, peppers, salmon, steak, hot dogs, chicken...
• Swimming lessons with the boys (a lack of swimmies meant Avery's diaper would gradually swelling up, much like the character from Charlie and chocolate factory); 
• Guilt at the work that I didn't do enough off and now must must catch up on (I'm all about repetition today) 
• Kyaking with R on a grown up weekend away (golf, kayking, movies, massages and visiting J. Meisel), do pokey hotels counter stunning scenery? A discussion tbc.; 
• The family vacation to Vancouver: a beaver plane and hidden private lake; whale watching (thankfully the orca's showed); the amazing aquarium and our boys discover room service (ice cream under a silver dome nice!). 

In a way highlights of the summer seems like its cheating the entire point of the project - to capture the little things at the time, and each day. Oh well. 

Monday July 4th: Playing Catch Up

Watching Cars 2

Time is moving fast.  Too fast.  And the goal of one blog post a day doesn't seem to be happening, but this is the catch up post.

Long weekend spent in Sarnia (where we still are) and where its about food.  Lots and lots of food.  And pacing, puttering, snacking and chatting.   A very relaxing combo.

This is less of a blog post and more a laundry list of activities, but still, it better than nothing and so, highlights from the weekend & week include:

• A great trip to the library where we've been enjoying The Robert Munch collection; 
• Catch up drinks with an old colleague at Ciao Wine bar (which gave me new idea on what to do with the slate tiles falling off my roof);
• Seth channeling his lord of the flies vibe with torn pj's and face covered in marker; 
• Annual meet up with my cousin who I hadn't seen since her wedding (featuring Ravi's chicken wings); 
• Annual Canada 1 party and late night drive to Sarnia. 

On a weekend that is all about food it's wrong not to highlight some of the best dishes:

• Home food which is Indian food: yum.  Parantha's.
• Home made carmelized onion, rosemary and potato pizza; 
• Green risotto; 
• BBQ chicken, edamame with radish, potato salad; 

Other activity highlights include:

• A waterside run, a lake swim and then a campari and soda on the deck; 
• Late night reading (Adrian Mole: The Prostate Years); 
• Taking Seth to see Cars 2 (which deserves a blog post of it's own). 

It's worth saying, I don't know how my Mom does it, three amazing meals a day, a house that exudes calm and elegance.  And she never seems tired or cranky, quite the opposite of me.